Friday, August 21, 2009

How Not to Dress for a Date

So here is poor Jordan after oral surgery today. Yes, this is her 2nd surgery in as many months, it seems that we like to subject our kids to torture, but we get 'em plenty stoned afterwards. Sorry Jordan. It hurts to be beautiful.

She has hay fever today, and experienced the WORST date ever last night.

So, she accepted a date from this guy who she met online. O ME, O MY. He showed up wearing a jewel encrusted shirt, studded belt, embroidery (all over) stitched jeans, white pointy cowboy boots, and man bracelets. She says even the old people at Mimi's thought she was with her fashion stunted gay man- friend. His Escalade was adorned with magnetized photo's of himself.

When they went into Barnes and Noble to buy a copy of "The Secret" for Jordan to read; so she can reach truth and enlightenment. (She thinks he thought he was a prophet, not a Hindu). The construction workers didn't even give her the time of day, all their attention was on the guy. Anyone who knows Jordan knows THAT ain't going to fly. At least this guy's "loser qualities" were out in the open, most of the guys she dates are hiding something behind a handsome face.

Then he dropped her off at her house, turned on the headlights of the car and was Whoot, whoot, whoot ing to Latin music really loud. He was proclaiming his expertise of Latin dancing and was showing her his moves. Then he grabbed her and told her to dance. She wanted to crawl into a hole, she was so mortified her neighbors might have seen the spectacle. She made a B line for the door. She got inside and didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Either way tears were rolling down her cheeks when she told her roommates about it.

First off
  • Why does my daughter attract such losers!?
  • She is so nice, and friendly and and they are all so dumb.
  • She has more first dates than anyone I know. Several in any given week.
  • She thinks she finds a winner and then they turn out to be closet FREAKS!
Secondly ( this goes for all you nice girls out there)
  • Even our stake president admits that there is a shortage of good men out there. What you see is what you get. Men have already put their best foot forward on your very first date and yeah... good luck with that. Invest time and money in yourself via education. ( spoken July 2009, to my face and hers) This from a man who has 3 sons. My pediatrician has should hear him rant about boys. You would not believe the number of RM's who have tried to take liberties with my daughter.
  • Stop dating for a period of time. Really, STOP.
  • Cancel the internet!!! Stop texting. Stop, stop, stop!
  • Find happiness in your own darn self, sista.
Now readers with sons. I am not including your boys in this post. Just the losers who have already chewed and spit my daughter out.


Cari said...

That sounds like the date from hell. Hang in there Jordan. I think I'd follow your mom's advice and take a break from dating. You'll meet someone when you least expect it.

Oh boys! I PRAY my sons don't turn out to be loser jerks! I'm trying to teach them but you never know what will stick and what won't.

dafoo said...

Stop taking dating advice from your Mom. Bring these "so called" men to the house so I can meet them. If they are turds...I'll introduce them to my .45 :))

Dafoo said... have nothing to worry about. You have a house full of nice young men. I am continually impressed with each of them. You and Lee should be proud.

lalo said...

that date sounded awful, although I may make a few magnets of myself to put on my know advertising. As for investing in yourself??!! AMEN! Having a man isn't everything you can definitely find happiness in yourself and your accomplishments until the right one comes along. This of course is coming from a slightly jaded single 28 year old.